Love's bud.
POSTED ON Friday, 16 January 2015 AT 02:32 \\
Why don't you stay for a little while, it's been too long since I've smiled
There's too few people I trust, I won't ask you for too much,
good conversation and such, and if I'm being honest

From time to time you cross my mind, good company is hard to find.
From time to time you cross my mind, so stay with me just for a night.

These are the lyrics that flashes in the back of my head every time we speak. I like talking to you, I like our conversations, I like the way things lead up to - if I were to list all of things I like about you or our friendship, then the list would be pretty long. All I want to say is that I'm glad I met you. I just pray to God that I don't jinx us, our friendship or anything at all.

Eyes like sky.
POSTED ON Sunday, 11 January 2015 AT 04:27 \\
The same boy, with sunken eyes saw me And described yellow so perfectly. 

Life is full of surprises. And it surprises you in the most surprising way, you're too surprised to comprehend it. And today was that kind of day. night - well morning. But I'm glad for this. Have you ever met someone and as the conversation goes on, you just sit there and smile for no reason? I'm sure you have, I can't be the only idiot. Well it happened to me today, I didn't even know the person yet he felt so familiar. At one point I felt like I was talking to myself because we shared almost identical thoughts and we both had experienced certain things to a certain level. However, talking to him really made me put things into perspectives in terms of a touchy subject I had been pondering about, a lot. I guess I sort of needed that? A closure, a gateway to closure? It's a start, for sure. You will never forget your love and you'll never stop loving them; but its just their memories you'd keep with you, not them as an individual. And I have finally understood that. 
Moving on doesn't mean forgetting them, it just means you no longer live for them.

When is it "enough"?
POSTED ON Friday, 9 January 2015 AT 19:11 \\
Enough is quite a funny word. Sometimes it means everything, often quite the opposite. 

Why is that sometimes you do everything you can to make someone happy, but it's never enough.  You compromise all the time for the sake of their comfort, it's still never enough. It's not enough that you sacrifice all of your happiness for them. You live all of your existing life caring for and respecting them, yet they still have the nerve to say that you're not enough.

I've burned a lot, drowned a lot and suffocated a lot just to make you happy and smile, just to keep you content.
 I don't do it all for the show or something in return but I'm no fool. I've had enough.

First post.
POSTED ON Wednesday, 7 January 2015 AT 19:37 \\
It's the seventh of the new year. I'm not sure how to feel as of right now. My feelings is a cocktail of sadness, grief, loneliness, anger and regret. The past two years hasn't been easy, not easy at all in all aspects of life.

It's not that I want to still be with you, neither do I wish for us to meet again. I just have these feelings that don't seem to go away. It's annoying and frustrating to think about you all the time, consciously or unconsciously. Its painful to remember you, our conversations and the memories of us. Its painful to think about you, still. It's hard to move on. 

I have done a lot of things to fill up the void that crept up to me, when you left two years ago. I drank the sorrows away, I drank till I felt numb, senseless just so I wouldn't think of you anymore. But I'd always end up crying your name. I kissed strangers, held them, gave them something that I had always dreamt of giving only you. I tried replacing you with guys of all kinds, but it only made me feel even lonelier. Lonely because even when surrounded by "love" and laughter, I'd only ever think of you. Lonely because all I ever wanted was to be with you and your love and smiles, not them.
Or I felt lonely because none of those guys were you.

I don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't want to feel depressed all the time. I don't want to have sleepless nights and cry during the day. I don't want to see you in every guy I come across. I don't want any essence of you in my life.
 I don't to live with the ghost of you anymore. You are nothing but a fragment of  memory.
 I wish to convince all these to myself sooner. I'm only gonna go crazier.